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Here's the pro's and cons....
Orcs
Orcs make generally bad housemates. They tend to shout all the time and leave half-empty tins of fungus beer and squig curry everywhere. Like Ogres, they have no concept of hygiene. The only good thing about Orcs is that if the property you live in has a large garden, you can expect your food bills to be substantially reduced thanks to its infestation with squigs. If this does occur, going outside for a quick slash when the bathroom is full, is NOT recommended.
Goblins
Goblins make surprisingly good housemates, once you?ve beaten them within an inch of their lives, they will typically do all the cleaning and other menial tasks for you. However, be careful of frequent and often painful practical jokes. Goblins come in two distinct varieties, night goblin and forest goblin. Of the two, the forest goblin is infinitely preferable, as they spend most of the weekends riding their giant spiders around the countryside, while the night goblin insists on painting his room black, listening to Emo music and generally acts like a hormonally distressed teenager.
Vampires
With the existence of blood banks and the frequent misdiagnosis of Vampires as merely sufferers of persistent anaemia, many of the dangers of having a vampire as a housemate are now reduced. However, much discomfort and tension will arise if you are particularly religious. One particular point should be made concerning the delicate subject of housemate dating. Vampires are not for the commitment-shy, as it won?t take long before they broach the subject of draining all your blood and making you their undying lover for all eternity. And you thought your current girlfriend was pushy! If you find yourself with a Von Carstein housemate, natural light bulbs are a must to prevent the inevitable onset of SADS. It is extremely unwise to allow a Necrach Vampire to use the basement for his pet projects, especially if you happen to own a pet. It goes without saying that Von Carstein Vampires and Night Gobins get along together fantastically.
High Elves
High Elves are the polar opposite of Orcs in many ways. Remember Monica in Friends? Trust me she has nothing on these guys. Everything must just so, exactly how it was two thousand years ago. Many High Elves practise a musical instrument and are astonishingly competent at it. This is by no means a bad thing but it can make it impossible to watch Eastenders over the (awe-inspiring) din. The biggest problem with High Elves is that they are so sickeningly perfect that given time, the impulse to strangle them in their sleep will become almost unbearable.
Tomb Kings.
First off, Tomb Kings do not tolerate smoking of any kind. Secondly, the main hazard with living with a Tomb King is their complete obsession with home security. It is often a good idea to always phone ahead before returning home, just so you know to avoid the latest boulder/pit full of snakes/poison dart trap. Aside from that Tomb Kings are quiet to the point of being boring. Do not expect a Tomb King to go out with you to the local pub, as they will probably start crying and going on about how they?re dying for a good pint. Do not under any circumstances try to make them drink as it will go right through and make a total mess of the carpet. Not to mention the fact that they will end up smelling of stale beer for the rest of eternity.
Dark Elves, worshippers of Slaanesh and Daemonettes of Slaanesh
Provided you padlock your door at night and aren?t on the squeamish side, you?ll probably be okay. Carrying several vials of antivenom at all times is probably a wise choice if you have a Dark Elf for a housemate. In general, if any of these characters ever try to get you to do something, do not do it. Agreeing is often the first step down the slippery slope to having no skin and being arrested by the police attached to the livestock of your choice. Under no circumstances allow a Daemonette into the house unless her claws have been first rendered useless with a dozen or so high strength rubber bands. Although Daemonettes make getting any work done almost impossible, they do however make it incredibly unlikely that you?ll ever be booked for speeding, if they?re in the passenger seat.
Lizardmen
Do not ever have a Lizardmen as a housemate, unless you a) are prepared to pay the horrendous heating bills and b) think that 40 degrees Celsius is a sensible indoor temperature.
Followers of Nurgle.
Avoid like the plague.
Followers of Khorne
Avoid, unless you like a) being disembowelled or beheaded or b) continually mopping up blood, guts and assorted innards. Only ever manageable if you get them stoned. This is an especially good thing to do as it markedly increases the chance of them lopping their own head off for a change.
Skaven
Bubonic plague, flies and rabies accompany Skaven everywhere they go. If by some horrendous misfortune, you end up with a Skaven housemate, on top of the above, you may find yourself picking up their all-too catchy mannerisms. If you catch yourself saying something like: ?Yes-Yes, I agree, stupid man-things they are.? It?s probably a good time to move out before you start growing fur and joining the club.
Humans
Varies. A lot. In general the Bretonnians will lack personal hygiene and laugh at your inferior cooking skills, while the Tileans will spend most of the time on the phone to their mothers. It goes without saying that the loyal citizens of the Empire will be too busy trying to breed before the next Chaos invasion gets under way to give you too much hassle. Give them the privacy they need and you?ll probably be rewarded the next time some Chaos Daemon tries to unscrew your head. The Norse make surprisingly good housemates as they often spend most of the year at sea and the remaining portion in their bed, moaning as their latest limb/tentacle settles in.
Dwarves
Excellent although dull housemates. Most dwarves are excellent DIY experts, which can be handy in a pinch. Never make the mistake of wearing gold jewellery around the house. Don?t talk politics either as all Dwarves vote conservative. However, given their instinctive distrust of anything that hasn?t been around for over three hundred years, it?s a fair bet that pictures of David Cameron will soon be adorning the reinforced dartboards they use for target practise. Do not ever discuss topics with a sexual nature with dwarves as like most natural conservatives, they are incredibly repressed and it?s difficult to know what sex they are.
Here's the pro's and cons....
Orcs
Orcs make generally bad housemates. They tend to shout all the time and leave half-empty tins of fungus beer and squig curry everywhere. Like Ogres, they have no concept of hygiene. The only good thing about Orcs is that if the property you live in has a large garden, you can expect your food bills to be substantially reduced thanks to its infestation with squigs. If this does occur, going outside for a quick slash when the bathroom is full, is NOT recommended.
Goblins
Goblins make surprisingly good housemates, once you?ve beaten them within an inch of their lives, they will typically do all the cleaning and other menial tasks for you. However, be careful of frequent and often painful practical jokes. Goblins come in two distinct varieties, night goblin and forest goblin. Of the two, the forest goblin is infinitely preferable, as they spend most of the weekends riding their giant spiders around the countryside, while the night goblin insists on painting his room black, listening to Emo music and generally acts like a hormonally distressed teenager.
Vampires
With the existence of blood banks and the frequent misdiagnosis of Vampires as merely sufferers of persistent anaemia, many of the dangers of having a vampire as a housemate are now reduced. However, much discomfort and tension will arise if you are particularly religious. One particular point should be made concerning the delicate subject of housemate dating. Vampires are not for the commitment-shy, as it won?t take long before they broach the subject of draining all your blood and making you their undying lover for all eternity. And you thought your current girlfriend was pushy! If you find yourself with a Von Carstein housemate, natural light bulbs are a must to prevent the inevitable onset of SADS. It is extremely unwise to allow a Necrach Vampire to use the basement for his pet projects, especially if you happen to own a pet. It goes without saying that Von Carstein Vampires and Night Gobins get along together fantastically.
High Elves
High Elves are the polar opposite of Orcs in many ways. Remember Monica in Friends? Trust me she has nothing on these guys. Everything must just so, exactly how it was two thousand years ago. Many High Elves practise a musical instrument and are astonishingly competent at it. This is by no means a bad thing but it can make it impossible to watch Eastenders over the (awe-inspiring) din. The biggest problem with High Elves is that they are so sickeningly perfect that given time, the impulse to strangle them in their sleep will become almost unbearable.
Tomb Kings.
First off, Tomb Kings do not tolerate smoking of any kind. Secondly, the main hazard with living with a Tomb King is their complete obsession with home security. It is often a good idea to always phone ahead before returning home, just so you know to avoid the latest boulder/pit full of snakes/poison dart trap. Aside from that Tomb Kings are quiet to the point of being boring. Do not expect a Tomb King to go out with you to the local pub, as they will probably start crying and going on about how they?re dying for a good pint. Do not under any circumstances try to make them drink as it will go right through and make a total mess of the carpet. Not to mention the fact that they will end up smelling of stale beer for the rest of eternity.
Dark Elves, worshippers of Slaanesh and Daemonettes of Slaanesh
Provided you padlock your door at night and aren?t on the squeamish side, you?ll probably be okay. Carrying several vials of antivenom at all times is probably a wise choice if you have a Dark Elf for a housemate. In general, if any of these characters ever try to get you to do something, do not do it. Agreeing is often the first step down the slippery slope to having no skin and being arrested by the police attached to the livestock of your choice. Under no circumstances allow a Daemonette into the house unless her claws have been first rendered useless with a dozen or so high strength rubber bands. Although Daemonettes make getting any work done almost impossible, they do however make it incredibly unlikely that you?ll ever be booked for speeding, if they?re in the passenger seat.
Lizardmen
Do not ever have a Lizardmen as a housemate, unless you a) are prepared to pay the horrendous heating bills and b) think that 40 degrees Celsius is a sensible indoor temperature.
Followers of Nurgle.
Avoid like the plague.
Followers of Khorne
Avoid, unless you like a) being disembowelled or beheaded or b) continually mopping up blood, guts and assorted innards. Only ever manageable if you get them stoned. This is an especially good thing to do as it markedly increases the chance of them lopping their own head off for a change.
Skaven
Bubonic plague, flies and rabies accompany Skaven everywhere they go. If by some horrendous misfortune, you end up with a Skaven housemate, on top of the above, you may find yourself picking up their all-too catchy mannerisms. If you catch yourself saying something like: ?Yes-Yes, I agree, stupid man-things they are.? It?s probably a good time to move out before you start growing fur and joining the club.
Humans
Varies. A lot. In general the Bretonnians will lack personal hygiene and laugh at your inferior cooking skills, while the Tileans will spend most of the time on the phone to their mothers. It goes without saying that the loyal citizens of the Empire will be too busy trying to breed before the next Chaos invasion gets under way to give you too much hassle. Give them the privacy they need and you?ll probably be rewarded the next time some Chaos Daemon tries to unscrew your head. The Norse make surprisingly good housemates as they often spend most of the year at sea and the remaining portion in their bed, moaning as their latest limb/tentacle settles in.
Dwarves
Excellent although dull housemates. Most dwarves are excellent DIY experts, which can be handy in a pinch. Never make the mistake of wearing gold jewellery around the house. Don?t talk politics either as all Dwarves vote conservative. However, given their instinctive distrust of anything that hasn?t been around for over three hundred years, it?s a fair bet that pictures of David Cameron will soon be adorning the reinforced dartboards they use for target practise. Do not ever discuss topics with a sexual nature with dwarves as like most natural conservatives, they are incredibly repressed and it?s difficult to know what sex they are.
