Morgen!!!

Für alle, die das warten auf Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Sith unerträglich finden, hab ich mir gedacht, ich poste ein paar Parodien, die ich im Internet gefunden habe.
Fangen wir mit einem Thema zu EP III an:
Darth Vader wird wiederkommen, also gibt es hier für euch einen Darth Vader Test, wie gut ihr für die Rolle des dunklen Lords geeignet wärt.

How good a Darth Vader would you make?

This test will require a No. 2 lead hydrospanner and a black Scantron.
Separate paper will be distributed for the essay section.

Multiple Choice Section:

1 What color is your cape/cloak?
a) White or grey
b) Mauve or flourescent orange
c) Brown or blue
d) Pure black

2 Describe your voice:
a) A mellfluous tenor, radiating peace and light
b) Hight and squeaky, kind of like the noise generated by hitting a
mouse with a mallet
c) Strong and commanding, with deep overtones of control and evil
d) Low enough to shatter windows and gravely as a sea bed, kind of
like you'd been hit in the throat by a semi when you were four

3 Describe your Force skills:
a) I am a Jedi, like my father before me
b) I don't have any Force skills, but I do get good cable reception
c) I have just enough Force sensitivity to say "I have a bad feeling
about this" with authority
d) I can crush your puny larynx like a grape, you dweeb

4 An officer under your command informs you that, through his own
incompetence, he has allowed your Rebel quarry to escape. You:
a) Tell him in a kind, understanding voice that he really should try
harder.
b) Give him a blender and do the dance of joy.
c) Fire him and cancel his Christmas bonus.
d) Kill him, then spit on his lifeless body.

5 The _new_ officer under your command informs you that, through no
fault of his own, the Rebel scum have escaped. You:
a) Pat him on the back and say that you understand, everyone has a
bad day now and then.
b) Click your ruby heels together three times and say, "There's no
place like Burger King, there's no place like Burger King."
c) Commend him for trying and send him back to his post.
d) Kill him, then kick his lifeless body.

6 _His_ replacement, through no fault of his own, steps on your
toe. You:
a) Smile understandingly and step to the side.
b) Ask him to do it again.
c) Step on his toe.
d) Kill him, then have his body fed to the Rancor.

7 Luke Skywalker is your:
a) Best friend.
b) Dog.
c) Feared persecuto.
d) Arch-enemy. Or son. Your choice.

8 Complete the following sentence:
"You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a...
a) ...really nice guy. I respect you, sir."
b) ...chicken. Or was it lizard? I can never remember..."
c) ...traitor. Take her away!"
d) ...corpse. Good riddance." (this is the only one Vader missed)

9 The Emperor calls you his:
a) enemy
b) nephew
c) doormat
d) right hand

10 Which portion of the body do you prefer to crush and squeeze with
the Force?
a) None, I give loving hugs.
b) the bladder
c) the heart or brain
d) All of them, but the trachea if I'm just practicing.

Optional strategy section:
Given a copy of the Mona Lisa, Dali's "Persistence of Time", and a
crayon drawing of mommy, daddy, and kat, how long would it take you to
destroy human civilization?
a) Ten years
b) Twelve parsecs
c) A day
d) Ten minutes

Optional ethics section:
You are given a choice between killing a kitten and eating a Twinkie.
You:
a) Give them both a hug.
b) Kill the Twinkie
c) Kill the kitten
d) Kill the kitten with the Twinkie

Optional xenobiology section:
What alien species would you most like to exterminate?
a) Hutts
b) Tribbles
c) Ewoks
d) Non-humans

Optional navigation section:
You have the fastest ship in the galaxy. How fast can you do the
Kessel Run?
a) 12 parsecs
b) 12 liters
c) 12 days
d) 12 Rebel corpses

Optional Jedi Knight section:
What is the power of this technological terror insignificant beside?
a) The power of the Force.
b) The power that only wet suction can muster.
c) The power of _that_ technological terror.
d) The power of me.

Essay:
You are trapped, alone, on a desert planet. What five things do you
take with you, and who do you kill with them?

Answers:
If you answered (a majority of the time):

a) You are a Rebel weenie. Get off the net, you dweeb.
b) You are an idiot. I'd tell you to get off the net, too, but you
wouldn't understand me.
c) You have the cold-blooded ruthlessness to rise in the Empire.
Good luck!
d) You are the Dark Lord of the Sith. Go kick some Rebel ass.

Weiter Gehts
Top Ten Vader= Präsident
10. He?d never be able to say read my lips, no new taxes.

9. You can clearly hear him inhale and exhale.

8. Storm troopers would be great for maintaining order at annual
Easter Egg Roll on south lawn of White House.

7. If congress didn´t like his decisions, he´d tell them they can take
it up with Jabba.

6. Goodbye, Stealth Bombers...hello, TIE Bombers!!!

5. Would never use phrases like Wouldn´t be prudent...

4. Hail to the Chief would be discarded in favor of the much cooler
Imperial March.

3. For the right: weapons advocate. For the left: secure enough to
wear a dress.

2. Use of the force lends dramatic effect when throwing out the
first pitch of the new baseball season.

1. Lord of the Empire sounds a lot better than Mr. President

TOP TEN STORMTROOPER COMPLAINTS / PEEVES"

10. Being downwind of Dewbacks...YUCK!

9. Sometimes I feel like just another number.

8. Brainiac who thought of WHITE armour should try suiting up and
hinding in a forest HIMSELF sometime.

7. Pension plan stinks...if you live that long.

6. Can't see a thing in that helmet.

5. Vindictive Captain always puts my on dianoga detail

4. "Armour forms an anti-blaster coccon," my a**.

3. Cheap-a** rifles WAY off calibration...keep missing my targets.

2. Every time I meet a nice girl, she shoots at me.

1. When I've personally toasted several rebels on the "Tantive IV", I
still get less recognition than the guy who just said "Look, sir,
'droids!"



Nummer 35: Stormtrooper Scherze
"Top 10 Stormtrooper Practical Jokes"

10. replace Darth's lightsaber with a flashlight

9. switch Vader's oxygen supply with helium, first one to laugh, dies

8. blame the new admiral for making the mistake that cost you the
battle

7. tell the tall guy "yeah, the blast door's open all the way"

6. rewire hangar speaker system so it plays LaCucaracha when the
Emperor arrives

5. tell the new guy that Darth appreciates constructive criticism

4. convince rookie pilots that TIE Fighters have shields

3. switching uniforms and seeing if the commander can tell the
difference

2. sneak up on daydreaming guards and breathe through a can

1. stick "I got your Force right HERE" signs on Executor bridge crew's
backs

Na jeder muss erst die dunkle Seite entdecken
ICh werd schaun, dass ich bald die Vader secrets poste

greets Peranus

laut star wars.com gibt es am
11. März einen neuen Trailer, der auch in den Kinos zu sehen sein wird

kann ihn jemand hochladen?

BITTE!!!!!!!!!
ICH BRAUCHE DIE MACHT!!!!!!!!!!!

Nein, er is im jedi council, aber sie können ihn nicht zum meister erheben...

Original von Yuffie
kann ich nur sagen, endlich ist es soweit! Und der Trailer kann wirklich was!

Ja.... leichte untertreibung

Aber Yoda im Senat und der Imperator spielt Frisbee mit den Senatorenboxen....
Ultraweltraumschlacht!!!!!!!!!!!